Research and Ramblings

 I allowed emotions to hijack a job I loved. And I feel like a failure. Ten years I worked with customers, clients and co-workers in a place I'd spend more than the 8 hours a day, some weekends, and special events. I would like to pin it on one human who evoked rage, hatred and anger in me, picking away at my sanity but in truth it was my failure. My failure to allow it to continue to escalate to not allow it to eat at me, my failure to ignore. I wasn't strong enough. I said I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't control the slow rage, the white hot heat, the impulse to hit, scratch, punch was getting greater and I'd like to blame them, make them the scapegoat, but in reality it was me. My failure. My inability to let it go, to not allow it to consume me. My old familiar friend, anger, rage, temper, that part of me that defied logic or hugging it out. It could not or would not rest. The mere sight of them would send me into an irrational tizzy. And for 10 years I tapp...

Where do I begin? I'm afraid once I get started I will never start. What kind of photo do you use with a post like this? I have so much on my heart. I try to keep a lot of hope in my heart, AND I am trying to believe that people are doing the best they can, but also, there are just so many things I wish would change. I know it is overwhelming the amount of things that are wrong with the world, humanity, the planet, our water, the environment, as well as the things that scare me in my day to day life. Here is my place to just list what is concerning me today. This is by no means an inclusive list - but I don't want to leave this post utterly depressed and not able to function.  People who do not believe they are loved - hurt everything around them. I am both sad for them, and want to try and fix the root cause of this and don't say grow thicker skin - BE NICE to people. BE KIND, even if they are not. Someone has to show the love.  Climate change - hello people, we are a glob...

Maybe this is you? You decide to take on a challenge, and you work at it, plans are made, things happen, and eventually you realize you aren't going to master it. Some of you may be thinking, nope, I execute it perfectly every time. Some of you may be thinking, yep, that's me. This can be something simple like I am going to clean kitchen today or something more complex like I am going to lose 10 pounds this month. Just the fact that I labeled cleaning as simple and weight loss as complex says something about my own process. If you told me I had to clean the kitchen today, I would ace it. If you told me I had to lose 10 pounds in December I would laugh (holidays, cookies, treats). For me, I assign things as simple or complex. Sometimes when I set my mind to it, I can complete the challenge. Sometimes, I set my mind to it and my priorities change, or things happen outside of my control, or I shift priorities midway.  My husband will say that I am pretty good and completing challe...