Where Am I?

 I have been writing. Going into groups and writing with prompts. Forgetting about blogging. Thinking about things that I am missing. Thinking about my health. Mourning my existence on some days and rejoicing that the sun rose in others. I cannot decide how best to share my writing. I struggle with deciding what is worth sharing. In my writing groups I have the permission to share the worst crap in America - even the world and there is no judgement. On the web, the internet with all of its fun and games, there is a darker side. A place where people believe that the worst things can be said. It is easy to say the worst things from your computer in your bathrobe. What if that person is in front of you? Would you say it then? I am horrified at what just seems normal to say to someone if you are not face to face. Am I concerned about judgement? Maybe not, but my heart is tender. I am tired of shoving down my feelings of not enoughness every time I encounter someone else who is wounded, but rather than doing their own personal work they take it out on others. The safest kind of others, the ones you really do not know. I am a person who can wield words around carelessly. So, I know how easy it can be. Saying your first thoughts, often does create harm. Sometimes people need to hear it, but maybe you are not supposed to be the messenger. People will come to their own conclusions. It is not up to any one of us to point out where anyone has stumbled or fallen. It is especially hard to come from an upbringing where this was the norm. Helpful, right? To point out the mistakes. To make it a thing. To shine a light in our darkest places for someone's own good. 

I am promising myself to do better. I am hopeful I can start writing on a regular. Share what I write and get more comfortable sending my voice however it shows up out into the web. To see what lands with you. Mostly I am writing to me. My demons. I hope you have a beautiful day.