Traveling with Strangers

Okay, maybe not COMPLETE strangers. How many of you would just take a 10 day road trip with a friend and someone you don't really know? Would you sleep in the same space with them to save money? I did that. Maybe it was the way I was raised, but I have no worries about sleeping in spaces with strangers. Okay, not COMPLETE strangers...again I emphasize that. I know that for some of us, myself included we have bodily functions and certain rituals that keep us from being in close proximity to others especially ones that are not part of your intimate circle. Even then, you may not consider anyone into that part of your world, not even your significant other. 

For someone who has a difficult time being with people for more than a few hours - this was a challenge. When I moved to Washington State, my circle of friends got smaller. I started spending a lot more time alone. It was a shift from being in a larger family and then being around friends and in social situations. It would not be odd for me to have plans almost any night of the week after work and weekends, often hanging out with friends or going places. But, as one finds out when moving out of your birth state and the community you have come to know...moving into a new space it can be hard to make connections with others. Sometimes this can take YEARS. The comfortable familiarity of community is replaced with this middle school feeling of how do I meet my people? Sure, you meet people you work with. Sometimes you get along, other times it is just a friendly hello and a polite catch up from the weekend. I was fortunate to find people to do things with but it took work and I would argue the connection is really not as strong as the ones formed in my home state of Ohio.

As an adult, it can be challenging to make friends and cultivate them. I have always loved and cherished my friendships. BUT, it is hard to get into the groups that already exist. I went to yoga classes, took yoga teacher training, went to events, and even talk to the grocery store clerk. I am in my community Buy Nothing Group. There are definitely ways I interact with the outside world but I have been in Washington State since 2007/2008 and while I have a few friends. I would say they already have an established community and I fall a bit outside of that. I get it. Family, children, aging parents, and so much more goes into the world in which people decide how to juggle friends. 

I say all of this to say I got really used to being ALONE. That is different than being LONELY. I love my alone time. I cherish it. So, after spending some quality time ALONE, I decided to take a trip where I would be with PEOPLE for 10 days solid - actually more if you count the days leading up to the trip.  I have often joked with my husband about time with people. There are times you are with people and you feel this pressure to be ON, and there are people you spend time with that it just feels comfortable. No need to be or do anything special. Needs are easily communicated and your time does not feel like a constant question of what are we doing. My husband can go for days, weeks, or even months without really being around people other than me. I can go for a few days but eventually I am tired of the never ending monologue in my head and need to have some positive personal interaction. HOWEVER, for years I thought I was an extrovert. Turns out, I may have been an introvert all along. I do have a limit to my ability to be around people and I think it has to do a lot with my public persona and my private persona. 

It wasn't until I quit my job in October that I realized how much energy and effort I put into my public persona. I am not sure it is always intentional rather a series of behaviors that I had modified over the years to be able to get along with others. 

Do I have a point? I don't think so. Other than to ask, Do you notice how you are with others? Is it different when you are alone? I am curious as always about other people's experiences of being with people and cultivating friendships. Are they important? Are they easy?