Forest Retreat

So much has happened in August through October. Should I list it all out? I almost don't want to because I can already feel my body tightening, my breath catching in my lungs, my pulse quickening, and I just cannot go back. I ruminate on the past a lot. I worry about the future a lot. I am usually caught in a space of what can I do? Feeling like my doing will be the thing that saves everyone. There's so much to unpack there - whiteness, patriarchy, saviorism, and worthiness. Regardless of what has happened, yesterday I found myself in a forest near Chillicothe in a geo-dome. The Geode Nature Dome to be exact. My best friend Liz had an event there called Stillness with(Yin). A magical mixture of forest bathing, yin yoga, restorative yoga and guided meditation that put my system back to stillness. I totally felt what we (she and I) lovingly call "yoga drunk" (no drugs or alcohol necessary). It was hard to concentrate, hard to do, it was hard to do anything except be. As a lifelong do-er - always feeling like I have to prove myself, my worth, my existence, my goodness, keep on filling in the blank on anything you can think of, it is me. I walked into this forest of golden leaves, brown decay, birds chirping, dropping acorns, falling leaves and birds soaring overhead and left feeling a deep sense of peace and tranquility. I forget how important it is for me to get into nature. Be fully surrounded by trees, spiders, mushrooms, leaves, and dirt. I try to get in a little each day, but the perfectionist in me thinks it has to be a full submersion. When I get out of my own way, I know that the trees I can see from my second floor balcony, or the osprey that sits a top the apartment building across the street, or the pigeons that cluster here and there, or the sky with the setting sun's rays are just as much of the nature I need to see, be with, commune with on any given day. It could be a small spider I find or a random leaf or nut. A moment, any moment to connect with nature. Nature that shows up to remind me, but I ignore it thinking it needs to be more when in fact it is just what I need to reconnect to the part of myself that knows I am but a blip in the scheme of things. Reminds me not to get so caught up with my worth or what others think of who I am and what I do. I had been thinking of the Pacific Northwest and found a fungus that looks like a sea shell. I noticed a smaller tree supporting an older fallen tree. I saw bark covered in green - a micro universe of something supported by another larger thing. So much is happening in the world. It is easy to get caught up in the who's right or wrong. It is hard to get out of bed and get bombarded by the amount of death happening at the hands of humans who are caught up in the right and wrong of it all. Sadness to see who gets caught in the cross fire - and yes the privilege of being someone who can just look at it from afar rather than being truly in it. Nature isn't all peace and tranquility - but it does offer some perspective for me when I am feeling overwhelmed by it all. I pray for peace. I pray for grace. I pray that I can continue to show up in my humanity and see others as human too. I want to believe we are all doing the best we can. Go find a little bit of nature near you - use all of your senses. What do you smell, what can you hear, what do you feel (touch) or (emotion), what do you see, be careful what you taste - some of that stuff is poisonous!