NaNoWriMo Day 30 - Pass or Fail?

 So, it is the last day of NaNoWriMo and I am at 35,907 words. I will be writing most of today and so I am confident I will end the day at or around 40K. Do you think I am celebrating? That is not how my brain works. I tell myself that the goal was 50K and I did not do it. So I failed. It has taken me awhile to recognize how often I live in a pass/fail right/wrong black/white for me/against me world. I am guessing it has something to do with my religious upbringing and generational patterning. We do not celebrate the ways we accomplished something - anything towards the goal. Instead it is you did not actually meet the mark. So, pass/fail. 

So what went wrong this month? That is where my brain goes. What could I have done differently? Well, I started strong and then had some medical weirdness and then traveled for some of the time. I also worked and did all of the usual chores and home tasks. I met in group when I could. My best days of writing ended up being Thursdays and Saturdays. While I was gone to Iowa, I did not write as much as I thought I would, choosing to spend time with my parents and exploring my grandparent's house for buried treasures, memories, and photographs of the ancestors. 

So nothing went wrong. I just chose other things rather than the all consuming writing. Decisions made in the present moment based on what was happening. My goal of 50K was still present as well, but I did what I could and on the days I did write, I managed to hit 1000 to 2000 words. Nothing to be ashamed of at all. I'm trying to take this as a win. My first time attempting NaNoWriMo and I came pretty close. The old saying close doesn't count except in grenades and horseshoes comes to mind...but really close is just fine. I'm learning to celebrate what I DID accomplish rather than hold myself to the measure of what I was SUPPOSED to do. It is a hard unlearning to let go of the all/nothing mindset. But I work on it daily - and here is a concrete example of how I am doing it. 

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