Update - NaNoWriMo Day 11 - 20K

 Oh I am happy. Hitting the 20K mark was AMAZING!! I was worried as I started the week ahead then wrote NOTHING on Tuesday. Wednesday I felt behind, and then I reminded myself that I am mostly teaching myself to write daily. To show up to do something I enjoy daily. The novel idea has fallen by the wayside. I feel a lot of feelings about that. I think what I am writing is going to amount to something though and my other win this week was locating an essay I wrote in group during 2020 and then the journal was stolen out of my car. I was more devastated about the journal being gone than anything else that was taken (well that and my friend's birthday stuff was also awful). I had a vague memory of typing it up as I sometimes do, and after much searching decided that it was gone forever. Then, earlier this week I thought to check my email to see if maybe I had emailed it to someone and I had. I was so excited about finding it, it set of a series of words about that essay and subsequent ideas for more on the topic of ANGER. 

Which leads me to the sad issue - our cat Puck. He is exceedingly unhappy about apartment life. While he can be cute and cuddly, he is also one to bite down hard in frustration. Once a happy indoor/outdoor cat with plenty of distractions for his aggression - most of his aggressions are taken out on me. I can tell he is unhappy. He is very food motivated, sure he is starving at all times. He takes human presence as the indicator of food or treats. Needless to say it has been an adjustment for all of us in this tiny 800 sq foot space. He is not adjusting well. I am not adjusting well, feeling anxious a lot as I go around the apartment trying to do things and also trying to keep him at bay. He doesn't know how to play. He is disinterested in play. Food is the only motivator. Things are getting dire. He clamped down on my bad wrist and I could not get him off, even with squirting him in the face. His eyes usually green were black with a rage and frustration I had not witnessed in him before. He is bonded with my husband and doesn't really bother with him much. But me, he will take down as a gazelle if he could. I cage him occasionally so I can get things done but find that cruel. I would be okay if he would leave me alone, but he thinks I should feed him. Sigh! I have never had a cat this difficult before. He is part wild/feral and really wants to be outside. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Write about Failure (1/25/2024)

Image
 I allowed emotions to hijack a job I loved. And I feel like a failure. Ten years I worked with customers, clients and co-workers in a place I'd spend more than the 8 hours a day, some weekends, and special events. I would like to pin it on one human who evoked rage, hatred and anger in me, picking away at my sanity but in truth it was my failure. My failure to allow it to continue to escalate to not allow it to eat at me, my failure to ignore. I wasn't strong enough. I said I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't control the slow rage, the white hot heat, the impulse to hit, scratch, punch was getting greater and I'd like to blame them, make them the scapegoat, but in reality it was me. My failure. My inability to let it go, to not allow it to consume me. My old familiar friend, anger, rage, temper, that part of me that defied logic or hugging it out. It could not or would not rest. The mere sight of them would send me into an irrational tizzy. And for 10 years I tapp...
Read more

Writing Goals - 2024

Image
 I spent most of today in my pajamas looking through what I accomplished in 2023 as far as writing goals and then looked ahead at 2024. I follow Sarra Cannon on YouTube and she hosted a livestream all about planning writing goals in 2024. I had also downloaded a couple other planning/reflection tools from Abbie Emmons  and Katie Allen . But Tracy, you say, it's January 13th - aren't you a little behind? Nope, no I am not. I have been trying to shift my planning and goals from the typical New Year's resolutions to something more spread out. I find the time as we go into the darkest part of the year the best time to plant seeds, see what takes, and get really curious about what I really want. I think of Spring as the time for things to come alive - specifically February 1 - Imbolc - the halfway point between the winter solstice and the spring equinox as a ripe time to see what seeds are sprouting. I suffer from shiny new thing syndrome, anyone else? It is so easy for me to j...
Read more

Falling Back into Research...Ralph J. Burcham

Image
 So, it is February 5th, how is that possible? I had ideas of what I would accomplish in January and truth be told the month unfolded with whatever needed to happen, all part of my surrender. Now, I am starting to review my research and get organized because it is a mere 2 months before I am off to Washington State to continue my research about the Washington State Archives. So, I open my notes and decide to research the state archivist Ralph J. Burcham. What follows is typical when doing research on anything whether it is a research project or genealogy, you follow something and it isn't exactly what you were looking for, but it is just so interesting. I decided to start by plugging Ralph Burcham into the Washington State Digital Archives . I am met with several hits, including census, death, cemetery, institution, school census, and birth. I am sure I have found my Ralph Burcham based on notes I already have and the death certificate from 1963, but I cannot help but look at the c...
Read more