Research and Ramblings

So much has happened in August through October. Should I list it all out? I almost don't want to because I can already feel my body tightening, my breath catching in my lungs, my pulse quickening, and I just cannot go back. I ruminate on the past a lot. I worry about the future a lot. I am usually caught in a space of what can I do? Feeling like my doing will be the thing that saves everyone. There's so much to unpack there - whiteness, patriarchy, saviorism, and worthiness. Regardless of what has happened, yesterday I found myself in a forest near Chillicothe in a geo-dome. The Geode Nature Dome  to be exact. My best friend Liz had an event there called Stillness with(Yin). A magical mixture of forest bathing, yin yoga, restorative yoga and guided meditation that put my system back to stillness. I totally felt what we (she and I) lovingly call "yoga drunk" (no drugs or alcohol necessary). It was hard to concentrate, hard to do, it was hard to do anything except be. ...

 So, I have decided to do it...the challenge of writing 50,000 words in the month of November as part of a national phenomenon - National Novel Writing Month. When I decided I would commit, it was July and part of my I've turned 53, now what thing. Now, it is a few months later and my life is totally different than I thought it would be. I had a solid idea for the novel. Fiction, semi-autobiographical, and kind of a retelling of Alice in Wonderland - but an older Alice, a 50 year old Alice, going through menopause and taking stock of her life - figuring out who she really is and meeting the major arcana of the tarot along the way. Now I am questioning my choices, thinking of nearly every other topic that I have ever thought of, and I think it is because November 1st is just a little over a week away. My procrastination response is alive and well. I will think of nearly every reason under the sun to not do this in the name of, oh, this other thing is more important now. It is typica...

When the middle of September comes, I start to think if the Autumn Equinox and the shift from summer to fall. I also see this as a "new year." Maybe it is the back to school or the new planners that start to surface but I start thinking about what is left of the year. This year, I decided to take a look at my #23in23. The list of things I decided I would concentrate on in 2023. In case you need a reminder, here is my list. Here is my list of #23in23 in no particular order and some notes I added in July (around my birthday, my mid year check in on progress) and now I am adding some additional notes. #outside23in23 Finish 5 small house projects (in the process of selling the house) Learn to identify the seagulls (carry over from 2022) - Not even started Start each day with 5-10 minutes of Silence (working on this - a practice) (still working on this) Writing Practice 3-5 times per week (Hooray!) (keeping up with this except during the move) Small camper journey (several short ...

Well, it has been a minute since I posted anything. As I am typing this, I am staring out the window of our new apartment in Columbus, Ohio. For many of you, you may not know that I am from Newark, Ohio. I was born and raised in Ohio. When I was young, I dreamed of seeing the big wide world and so when we left Cincinnati, Ohio in 2007 and moved to Washington State, I did not dream we would return to my home state. Columbus was the big city for me growing up. We came here to do our back to school shopping sometimes, we would come to gospel meetings in various churches (Canal Winchester, Hilliard, Worthington, Broad St, to name a few) in the greater Columbus area. We frequented a place called Children's Palace to occasionally get a new toy. As I got older, I would come to Columbus to visit the zoo, go to a show, go clubbing, visit friends, cruise High Street, and of course visit COSI. I had a violin teacher in Bexley.  My brother played indoor soccer in Westerville. I had friends who...

  How is it a birthday already? It feels like time flies faster when you get older. I remember being a child and thinking how incredible SLOW everything was. I was always in a hurry to grow up. Now I am starting to embrace presence. I have been trying to embrace presence since I moved to Olympia and I have a tattoo on my arm in MY OWN handwriting to prove it. In all things....be present. And yet, until recently I believe I spend the majority of time either ruminating on my past or worried about the future. NOT ANY MORE!! Yes, with this trip around the sun, I am really doubling down on PRESENCE!! Taking a moment to be in THIS moment. The one where I feel a little thirsty and warm. I can hear the fan running. The notebook under my arm is cutting into that soft flesh on the underside of my arm. My ankle is resting on my other foot. My right thigh feels a little tight. The air is flowing in and out of my nose and lungs. I am typing on my keyboard and not using the exact right fingers t...

Okay, maybe not COMPLETE strangers. How many of you would just take a 10 day road trip with a friend and someone you don't really know? Would you sleep in the same space with them to save money? I did that. Maybe it was the way I was raised, but I have no worries about sleeping in spaces with strangers. Okay, not COMPLETE strangers...again I emphasize that. I know that for some of us, myself included we have bodily functions and certain rituals that keep us from being in close proximity to others especially ones that are not part of your intimate circle. Even then, you may not consider anyone into that part of your world, not even your significant other.  For someone who has a difficult time being with people for more than a few hours - this was a challenge. When I moved to Washington State, my circle of friends got smaller. I started spending a lot more time alone. It was a shift from being in a larger family and then being around friends and in social situations. It would not be ...

So, I do not fancy myself an artist. In my mind an artist is professionally trained, has carefully honed their craft, and spends all of their days trying to make it better than when they started. Artists have art studios and are always trying to balance their craft and the real world. It was when I moved to Olympia, WA, when the idea that I could be an artist was planted. I had a session with Michelyn Gjurasic  in 2013-2014 which introduced the idea of me being an artist. In this moment, I wish I could find our session but cannot. At the time, I had a career path as a historian and an archivist that I felt passionate about. Part of me rejected the idea that I had art within me. Over time, I started to embrace the part of me that wants to play with paint, color, and drawing. How do I embrace the artist in me? Do you believe you have an artist in you? Now, I feel like creativity is a huge part of who I am. Books like Big Magic by Liz Gilbert and working with a former yoga teacher an...